Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
