Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
