weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
