I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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