chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The ass gains better be worth it
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