I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
