Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
