When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
