I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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