Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
