Non-Jews are for practice
dude i'm inner monologue high
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
