Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
