Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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