the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
