i already hear my dad disowning me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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