There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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