Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
