I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
