I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
