For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
