We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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