very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
