yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When did angry sex become our thing?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
