This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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