White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
