I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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