I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize