I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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