We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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