Yo dont text me then not text me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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