Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
