awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
