New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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