how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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