Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
