I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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