Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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