There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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