i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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