Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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