Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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