i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
