he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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