I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my poor anus
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
