when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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