I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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