did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
