If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
