You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she looked like the before picture.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
