operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
