Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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