Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
