its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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