I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
