Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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