Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
