Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
