her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't turn off my feet"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
