you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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