i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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