This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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