know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
