hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
