his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
