Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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