This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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