You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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