I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
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