I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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