I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
