My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
