I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
