I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize