woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
