he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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