oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
